you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
i out mim tonsoeep
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