Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
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I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
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The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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