HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
