i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
