He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
