I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
