She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I think people are normalizing furries
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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