dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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