I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
