i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
