ya dads aren't the best wingmen
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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