Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
