Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
