I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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