Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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