we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
