I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
