You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
