I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
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the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
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I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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