So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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