so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
