i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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