Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Let's get the cat blown out
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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