Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
