Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
