So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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