I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
