He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
