Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
