there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
