i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
