if i can run in heels then i can drive
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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