is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
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You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
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Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
there is puke in my bra ... again
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