I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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