Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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