are you still at the devil's house?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
