seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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