a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
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Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
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I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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