o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm experimenting with sincerity
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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