Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Randomize
