I've blown a few things in my day
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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