did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
