Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
