its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
