I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
