epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
