My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
