'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
