He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
