I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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