i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
