either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
