Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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