How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
