I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
