you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
it glows. i had to have it.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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