Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
my nose is crying tears of wow.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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