He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
