i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
