I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Randomize
