Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
