Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
