I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Randomize
