Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
