i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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