the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Less talking, more tequila
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
