By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
