IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
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