I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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