I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
