Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
