i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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