Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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