I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize