I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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